Don't you just love a slow Saturday morning? I woke up at 5 am and was kind of frustrated that my inner clock just wouldn't let me go back to sleep. Let me explain. I get up most week days at 5 so I can be in the office no later than 7 am. Well, last week I made it in at 7 three out of five days, which really isn't bad since I don't have to be there until 8, right?
Well, back to my story...I LOVE SLEEP. The problem is for the past year or so, I'm not able to do a lot of it. It's really hard for me to stay in bed past 6:30 or 7. AND I have trouble going to sleep! So, last night I went to bed about 9:30 or 10, and was wide awake at 5. Of course, did I become productive that early? Heck no...I layed around drinking coffee.
My youngest son and I climbed this morning. We left home around 7:30 and were up on the top by 9:30 (it takes about 30 minutes to get there). I am frustrated that I didn't make it up within the normal 25 - 35 minutes. Last fall I was able to achieve it week after week. But now I just can't. I had to stop on the way up no less than 7 times. UGH! I guess I'll just have to work back up to that. At least I'm trying.
Mornings like this are my "me time". I love to get on top of that mountain, find my little corner, and meditate. That's my time with God. I just pray about everything I can think of when I'm up there. And I feel SOO much better, usually. Today, it wasn't so. My heart is very heavy today and it has been off and on for the past couple of weeks. Emotionally, I have been on a roller coaster. I won't go into details. But for those few of you out there who read my blog, just pray that God will change my heart...Like the song, Change My Heart O God, Make It Ever True!
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Moving On
Wow! What a whirlwind it's been since my last post.
So, you can see that the court date never happened. School ended and the kids are doing alright.
I moved closer to work, church, and other things recently. I LOVE my new place. It's a bit smaller, but it's cheaper, and I'm saving money on gas. I also quit smoking - about to celebrate month 5 smoke free - YAY ME!
The kids are alright but are not happy because they got what they wanted. "What do you mean?", you may ask? Well, it seems right after their father found out we weren't going to court, he picked up his girlfriend out of small town USA and married her. She's 20 years old with a 15 month old daughter (of which she has physical custody) and a 5 month old son (of which she does not have). Not going into all of her problems right now...So, remember that he is 44 years old. Kind of gross, isn't it?
My children are living in the house with the newlyweds and her child. They really are unhappy and never miss a beat to tell me just how unhappy they are. But, I remind them that while it is not their fault their father decided to up and marry a girl young enough to be their sister, they got what they wanted. They wanted to live with dad, and that's what they got. My sons do not understand when I say "you got what you wanted" that it's not meant as a punishment...it's simply consequences of the decision they were allowed to make.
A couple of times, my youngest has called or texted me to say that he's coming to live with me. My heart tells me that I should run and rescue him, but I did that last summer with both kids, and it went BAD! I let their father take advantage of me as the non-custodial parent. I'm done with that. So, my response to him has been, "You may not make that decision when you are upset. It has to be decided by both you and your father, and your father must handle all of the legal aspects in order for that to happen". He's not really happy with that, but he understands now.
My sons are now beginning to see how their dad has used them. It's hard for me as their mother to know what they are going through and not attempting a rescue. But, I think this is a lesson they are having to learn. Life can be difficult, even more so for kids sometimes.
My prayer is that their father will see "the light" at some point and be the father they need. And, I continue to pray that the Lord will change me...And He is.
I am not fooled into thinking that I am not where I am supposed to be at this point in my life. It is not by chance that I moved, found a new church home, etc. God has a plan for me, and I am staying faithful to Him so that I may discover this plan in His time, not mine. With God, it's all about timing, but His, not ours!
I'll keep writing...
So, you can see that the court date never happened. School ended and the kids are doing alright.
I moved closer to work, church, and other things recently. I LOVE my new place. It's a bit smaller, but it's cheaper, and I'm saving money on gas. I also quit smoking - about to celebrate month 5 smoke free - YAY ME!
The kids are alright but are not happy because they got what they wanted. "What do you mean?", you may ask? Well, it seems right after their father found out we weren't going to court, he picked up his girlfriend out of small town USA and married her. She's 20 years old with a 15 month old daughter (of which she has physical custody) and a 5 month old son (of which she does not have). Not going into all of her problems right now...So, remember that he is 44 years old. Kind of gross, isn't it?
My children are living in the house with the newlyweds and her child. They really are unhappy and never miss a beat to tell me just how unhappy they are. But, I remind them that while it is not their fault their father decided to up and marry a girl young enough to be their sister, they got what they wanted. They wanted to live with dad, and that's what they got. My sons do not understand when I say "you got what you wanted" that it's not meant as a punishment...it's simply consequences of the decision they were allowed to make.
A couple of times, my youngest has called or texted me to say that he's coming to live with me. My heart tells me that I should run and rescue him, but I did that last summer with both kids, and it went BAD! I let their father take advantage of me as the non-custodial parent. I'm done with that. So, my response to him has been, "You may not make that decision when you are upset. It has to be decided by both you and your father, and your father must handle all of the legal aspects in order for that to happen". He's not really happy with that, but he understands now.
My sons are now beginning to see how their dad has used them. It's hard for me as their mother to know what they are going through and not attempting a rescue. But, I think this is a lesson they are having to learn. Life can be difficult, even more so for kids sometimes.
My prayer is that their father will see "the light" at some point and be the father they need. And, I continue to pray that the Lord will change me...And He is.
I am not fooled into thinking that I am not where I am supposed to be at this point in my life. It is not by chance that I moved, found a new church home, etc. God has a plan for me, and I am staying faithful to Him so that I may discover this plan in His time, not mine. With God, it's all about timing, but His, not ours!
I'll keep writing...
New quote ~
I take on more and more work, but I never feel that I am overburdened, because I do everything for God!
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
News
Hey all! I have news, news, and news!
First of all, tomorrow, Thursday, April 9 will be 6 weeks nicotine-free for me. I am amazed that I've made it this far, but I know it's not me - it's God.
April 9 was also supposed to be my court date for custody. A few weeks back, my attorney called me to say that I just don't have a case. The kids are adamant that they want to be with their father and have made that known to everyone involved, including the counselor that was to testify in court. I find it amazing that kids have choices! These are under age boys that are failing school. But, of course, we know that kids will take the path of least resistance. At dad's they really don't have to do much, they certainly don't get punished if chores or homework assignments aren't completed, so what the hay!
I didn't post anything for a few weeks because I just couldn't deal with it. After the crying and praying and whining, I finally decided I will live. God has a plan for me....Not sure what it is, but I continue to pray that He will continue to guide me.
Do you believe in spiritual gifts? I certainly do, and I have decided that one of mine is the old-fashioned gift of gab....
Now, what am I going to do with it? And my answer is, I have no earthly idea. God will show me if I continue to lift it to Him in prayer. I am being led to something MUCH greater than I ever thought possible. Just not sure what!
Stay Blessed!
First of all, tomorrow, Thursday, April 9 will be 6 weeks nicotine-free for me. I am amazed that I've made it this far, but I know it's not me - it's God.
April 9 was also supposed to be my court date for custody. A few weeks back, my attorney called me to say that I just don't have a case. The kids are adamant that they want to be with their father and have made that known to everyone involved, including the counselor that was to testify in court. I find it amazing that kids have choices! These are under age boys that are failing school. But, of course, we know that kids will take the path of least resistance. At dad's they really don't have to do much, they certainly don't get punished if chores or homework assignments aren't completed, so what the hay!
I didn't post anything for a few weeks because I just couldn't deal with it. After the crying and praying and whining, I finally decided I will live. God has a plan for me....Not sure what it is, but I continue to pray that He will continue to guide me.
Do you believe in spiritual gifts? I certainly do, and I have decided that one of mine is the old-fashioned gift of gab....
Now, what am I going to do with it? And my answer is, I have no earthly idea. God will show me if I continue to lift it to Him in prayer. I am being led to something MUCH greater than I ever thought possible. Just not sure what!
Stay Blessed!
Monday, March 16, 2009
Update
#1. I am STILL smoke-free. Thursday, March 19, will be 3 weeks. I am so pumped! I never thought I'd be able to do it, but here I am. Of course, I am not foolish enough to think I've done this on my own. No Way! It's God!
#2. Court (custody) is 3 1/2 weeks away. I refuse to stress over it. I am working on an outline to give to my attorney. This outline will describe my strengths and things about me that I want covered at the hearing as well as, things I want covered with my ex. I am feeling realistic at this time. Possession is 9/10 of the law....That means I have about 10% chance of the change of custody. But my Daddy God can handle ANYTHING. Not me, but HIM. I can't do ANYTHING without HIM. So, my prayer is that God is changing MY heart, and that I am open to whatever happens. He will breeze me right through this situation. Am I scared? A little. I already have butterflies in my stomach when I think about it. But, fear does not come from God. So, when I begin feeling down, I have to remind myself (and have my support group remind me) of that. Then I pray. I pray earnestly for His will, not mine. He is preparing me for more, I just don't know exactly what. All in time.....all in time. Stay blessed! I know I am....Oh!
Here's my new "saying"....and yes, I copied it from someone...I don't know who, it was in an email:
"I'm too blessed to be stressed"
#2. Court (custody) is 3 1/2 weeks away. I refuse to stress over it. I am working on an outline to give to my attorney. This outline will describe my strengths and things about me that I want covered at the hearing as well as, things I want covered with my ex. I am feeling realistic at this time. Possession is 9/10 of the law....That means I have about 10% chance of the change of custody. But my Daddy God can handle ANYTHING. Not me, but HIM. I can't do ANYTHING without HIM. So, my prayer is that God is changing MY heart, and that I am open to whatever happens. He will breeze me right through this situation. Am I scared? A little. I already have butterflies in my stomach when I think about it. But, fear does not come from God. So, when I begin feeling down, I have to remind myself (and have my support group remind me) of that. Then I pray. I pray earnestly for His will, not mine. He is preparing me for more, I just don't know exactly what. All in time.....all in time. Stay blessed! I know I am....Oh!
Here's my new "saying"....and yes, I copied it from someone...I don't know who, it was in an email:
"I'm too blessed to be stressed"
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Squawl Bag Day - Need a Cigarette!
So, have you ever had one of those days when you just couldn't quit crying? Ok, most men will say NEVER, and women will definitely say yes, even if it's been years.
Today has been one of those days for me. Church was great - as always. The company in church was great - as always. So, what's wrong? I couldn't tell ya. I haven't had a cigarette since the 26th. That's what - 3 days. This is absolutely INSANE! I feel like my life is over because I'm not puffing on a cigarette. I can not believe I am THIS addicted to cigarettes. I am having to take it one minute at a time today- just to keep from buying a pack. I am praying constantly "God get me through this". And HE is....I can't do this without HIM....
So, today I blame my squawling on the emotional roller coaster of quitting smoking. I think I'll go hang out at my sister's house for awhile. Better go for now....Stay Blessed!
Today has been one of those days for me. Church was great - as always. The company in church was great - as always. So, what's wrong? I couldn't tell ya. I haven't had a cigarette since the 26th. That's what - 3 days. This is absolutely INSANE! I feel like my life is over because I'm not puffing on a cigarette. I can not believe I am THIS addicted to cigarettes. I am having to take it one minute at a time today- just to keep from buying a pack. I am praying constantly "God get me through this". And HE is....I can't do this without HIM....
So, today I blame my squawling on the emotional roller coaster of quitting smoking. I think I'll go hang out at my sister's house for awhile. Better go for now....Stay Blessed!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Hi Again!
So, last night I visit my children at their father's home. If you've read the other stuff I've written, you know that I am going through a custody battle because my children are failing school.
The situation is crappy, and I don't wish it on ANYONE - not even their father.
The bomb went off when my oldest, he's 16, told me that he wants to fail this year. HE'S A JUNIOR IN HIGH SCHOOL!!! He said he wants to fail so he can graduate with some of his other friends a year behind him. Then he told me that he's going to be honest with the judge when we go to court (currently scheduled for April 9) and tell him that he wants to live with his dad. Now, you have to understand, this is the kid that has ALWAYS said he didn't want to choose. Me thinks me smells a RAT!!!
Then my youngest, he's 13, says the same thing.
Here's what I think is going on:
Dad moans and groans in the presence of the children that if they have to live with me, he will lose everything. He won't be able to pay his bills, etc., because he will lose his little (HUGE) monthly paycheck that we non-custodial parents are forced to call child support. That money NEVER goes to my children. My ex-mother in law and I buy their clothes, shoes, etc.
Anyway, I think they thought I would say "I'm sorry" and drop the case. WRONG! I told them that if they want to stay with dad, they have from now until court to bring up those failing grades. I also told them that I will wait to hear the judge's verdict. I want the judge to say yea or nay.
Can you tell I'm a little peeved?
So, what did I do when I got home last night? What any mother would do - CRIED! Then I prayed. I prayed for God to change me...change my heart. I want God's will to be done in my life. Also, I don't want anyone to EVER say that I didn't try.
So, what am I doing today? Baby, I'm praying, of course.
I'll blog some more soon.....
The situation is crappy, and I don't wish it on ANYONE - not even their father.
The bomb went off when my oldest, he's 16, told me that he wants to fail this year. HE'S A JUNIOR IN HIGH SCHOOL!!! He said he wants to fail so he can graduate with some of his other friends a year behind him. Then he told me that he's going to be honest with the judge when we go to court (currently scheduled for April 9) and tell him that he wants to live with his dad. Now, you have to understand, this is the kid that has ALWAYS said he didn't want to choose. Me thinks me smells a RAT!!!
Then my youngest, he's 13, says the same thing.
Here's what I think is going on:
Dad moans and groans in the presence of the children that if they have to live with me, he will lose everything. He won't be able to pay his bills, etc., because he will lose his little (HUGE) monthly paycheck that we non-custodial parents are forced to call child support. That money NEVER goes to my children. My ex-mother in law and I buy their clothes, shoes, etc.
Anyway, I think they thought I would say "I'm sorry" and drop the case. WRONG! I told them that if they want to stay with dad, they have from now until court to bring up those failing grades. I also told them that I will wait to hear the judge's verdict. I want the judge to say yea or nay.
Can you tell I'm a little peeved?
So, what did I do when I got home last night? What any mother would do - CRIED! Then I prayed. I prayed for God to change me...change my heart. I want God's will to be done in my life. Also, I don't want anyone to EVER say that I didn't try.
So, what am I doing today? Baby, I'm praying, of course.
I'll blog some more soon.....
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