Monday, June 28, 2010

Elijah & Obadiah

Have you ever studied these guys in the Bible? Well, I had not until recently. I was brought to tears at the end of the story. Let me tell ya why...

The author of the bible study compared Elijah to a mountain man. So, he comes down from the mountain and tells Ahab there won't be rain for 3 years due to their worshipping practices of Baal, etc. Then God tells Elijah to go by a stream and hide. Ravens - yes Ravens actually take care of feeding Elijah...really? Yes, Ravens, which seem to me to be pretty filthy animals.

Okay, so skip a few's the part that was wonderful.

Elijah tells Obadiah (a Godly man that worked for Ahab, the most evil ruler at that time) that he needs to talk to Ahab. Elijah tells Ahab to meet him on Mt. Carmel with his priests and priestesses....all 850 of them. Okay, that's 850 against 1! Elijah tells them to sacrifice a cow and he'll do the same. They'll each have an altar upon which to lay their sacrifice. The first one God that brings fire to the altar is the one true God. Of course, the 850 pray and shout to their Baal. They cut themselves, etc... But is doesn't work. Elijah even tells them to pray louder...says maybe their god is sleeping. Still doesn't work. When it's time for Elijah's sacrifice, he wet it down, and even builds a trench around it, filling it with water. Of course, he was trying to prove his point ~ Our Father is Heaven is supreme and the ONLY one that could handle a job such as this....

Elijah prays his simple prayer : 1 Kings 18:36 - 37 ~ "O Lord, God of Abraham, Isaac, and Israel, let it be known today that you are God in Israel and that I am your servant and have done all these things at your command. Answer me, O Lord, answer me, so these people will know that you, O Lord, are God, and that you are turning their hearts back again." Verse 38 continues and tells us that "the fire of the Lord fell and burned up the sacrifice..."

How Great is Our God? That's how great He is. I felt so humbled after reading that! I cried! After reading things like this, how can I EVER doubt that he can handle my measley problems in life?

In those moments when I am feeling insecure (that's from the devil) and lonely (that's from the devil, too), I just need to remember to give it all to God 'cause He handles it. He alone is my source of strength!

Okay, so thoughts???

Friday, June 25, 2010

What?! It's June 2010 Already?!

I just realized it's been 7 months since my last blog...REALLY?! Holy Cow!

I can't believe it's the end of June either. The heat is here to stay for a while!

These last months have been great. I work, but more importantly, I spend time with those that matter. My boyfriend and his kids have come to mean so much to me.

However, I miss my boys so much! I miss the boys that wanted mom around. You know what I mean. They get older and grow AWAY from us. Even when they live in a normal home, kids grow AWAY from their parents. In my situation, my kids want me when THEY want me. I have actually become the EVIL parent since November, or so they think. I decided one day that I would no longer allow them to fight and argue in my home. In addition, if they and their dad couldn't be on time to swap, I stopped waiting. I spent so many years doing everything for them. Then I just stopped. That being said, I've only seen them a handful of times since November. We had Christmas in March (I kept their gifts in their bedroom at my place).

Now, I know a lot of people reading this will be quick to judge me. And that's okay. Judge me. But you really don't know what you will do in a situation until you've had to go through it. I used to be the judge for everything. Believe me, my sisters will agree. I WAS THE GOODY TWO SHOES OF OUR FAMILY. I thought I knew it all and was proud to tell anyone who would listen. I am very fortunate I never got punched in the face. Divorce? Oh, I would never go through that....the only reason that would EVER happen would be if he cheated on me. And for that, I would just kill him and get it over with. Kids? Oh, yeah, my boys would be perfect. They would make good grades if it killed me. They would turn in those assignments - period. Backtalk? My boys wouldn't backtalk me. No way! I'd whip their butts....You get the picture.

So, to those reading this that I may have hurt in the past, I'm sorry. Because I didn't know. I didn't know the deep heartache I would feel when my kids chose to live with their dad. I didn't know I would get to the point that I just keep their bedroom door closed at my place, because I can't stand going in their room. Quite simply, I miss them. My advice to myself is: continue to take it one day at a time. One of these days they will come around.

Now, enough of that whiney crap. Work is the same ~ GREAT. I just passed my 9 year mark. I am blessed. I love my customers and the folks I work with. We recently lost someone but they went to a better opportunity for their family. We can't ever blame someone for doing better. But I miss them. My coworkers are my kids. So when one leaves, that's a child of mine that has moved on. So, we now have a new person starting in a couple of weeks. I am sure it will be fine.

Summertime is my slow time. While the guys are taking upwards of 200 calls a day, I am plugging along at an almost normal rate ~ you know, unlike the frantic running I do around the office from September to April. The lull gives me a chance to work with the sales guys to learn more product information and take sales calls. Really, I can't complain.

Ya know how Mondays are always dreaded? Well, a few months ago, I just decided to stop that. Really...I don't dread them anymore. My new thing for a while was Happy Monday. I would say Happy Monday to everyone. Yes, yes, I know....I am the freak that everyone loves to hate. The cheerful person that should be shot upon entry to the facility. But, I have to say, it works for me. I don't have bad days anymore. In fact, every day is a Happy day....I even have a couple of customers that call just to say Happy Tuesday or whatever. It works. I changed me...wait a minute...did you read that? I just said "I changed me". Shame on me!!! No, I didn't do it. God did. God did it...He changed me. And isn't He the best? Of course he is! So, no more bad days at work. They just aren't an option!!!

Also, I've decided ~ with the influence of my boyfriend ~ that failure isn't an option. Period! He and I spoke about that this morning. Look, this is only life, right? Sure, it's hard. God never promised us an easy road. We just keep going. Done....

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Making Amends

Last night I had the opportunity to attend an event with a great friend of mine. The evening went well, but when the evening was ending I made a comment that hurt this person. I have apologized, and only time will tell if they are able to forgive me and move forward. I have been physically ill all night knowing that I hurt this person so terribly with words. It certainly wasn't intentional, and I hope they can forgive me. If you are a praying person, please pray for this situation for me.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Really, It's Been This Long?

I can't believe it's been over 3 months since I added a little note. What's wrong with me? It's called work, church, a nutshell...LIFE. ;)

Not complaining, though...

What's new? Work is busier than ever. Don't know if I've mentioned it, but I am an office administrator. I call myself the "official paper shuffler". I work for the regional office (sales & distribution center) of a national heating & air manufacturer. It's going on 9 years, and I still love it. I am blessed!

The kids are doing as well as they can be. My oldest ~~~~BIG NEWS~~~~ enlisted in the Marines ~~~ actually swore in on September 1st. He is scheduled to ship out 3 days after graduation in May. I think it will be great for him, and I am so proud that he's made this decision. My youngest, my youngest he says he wants to enlist when he's old enough. Only God knows what the future holds for my sons. I have to leave it in His hands...if not, I'll just be a blubbering basket case!

Church ~ Once again, I know I'm blessed. I have a wonderful church home. I had to open myself up to finding one last year. God placed a wonderful friend in my life that invited me to the church. I prayed over it, then visited. I LOVED IT! I joined in April of this year. I have prayed that God would find somewhere for me to serve, and it fell in my lap in late August and September. I was on the committee for the annual "Block Party", which is a community outreach event. It was a blast! I was blessed by the process, and met some great new friends. I have involved myself in the church, and I know I am blessed. It is by no mistake that I am there!

Life ~ Life is wonderful. It really is...It is not by accident that I have a great home, a wonderful church home and friends and family. I will continue to strive each day to let all in my life know how much I love and care for them!

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Happy Saturday

Don't you just love a slow Saturday morning? I woke up at 5 am and was kind of frustrated that my inner clock just wouldn't let me go back to sleep. Let me explain. I get up most week days at 5 so I can be in the office no later than 7 am. Well, last week I made it in at 7 three out of five days, which really isn't bad since I don't have to be there until 8, right?

Well, back to my story...I LOVE SLEEP. The problem is for the past year or so, I'm not able to do a lot of it. It's really hard for me to stay in bed past 6:30 or 7. AND I have trouble going to sleep! So, last night I went to bed about 9:30 or 10, and was wide awake at 5. Of course, did I become productive that early? Heck no...I layed around drinking coffee.

My youngest son and I climbed this morning. We left home around 7:30 and were up on the top by 9:30 (it takes about 30 minutes to get there). I am frustrated that I didn't make it up within the normal 25 - 35 minutes. Last fall I was able to achieve it week after week. But now I just can't. I had to stop on the way up no less than 7 times. UGH! I guess I'll just have to work back up to that. At least I'm trying.

Mornings like this are my "me time". I love to get on top of that mountain, find my little corner, and meditate. That's my time with God. I just pray about everything I can think of when I'm up there. And I feel SOO much better, usually. Today, it wasn't so. My heart is very heavy today and it has been off and on for the past couple of weeks. Emotionally, I have been on a roller coaster. I won't go into details. But for those few of you out there who read my blog, just pray that God will change my heart...Like the song, Change My Heart O God, Make It Ever True!

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Moving On

Wow! What a whirlwind it's been since my last post.

So, you can see that the court date never happened. School ended and the kids are doing alright.

I moved closer to work, church, and other things recently. I LOVE my new place. It's a bit smaller, but it's cheaper, and I'm saving money on gas. I also quit smoking - about to celebrate month 5 smoke free - YAY ME!

The kids are alright but are not happy because they got what they wanted. "What do you mean?", you may ask? Well, it seems right after their father found out we weren't going to court, he picked up his girlfriend out of small town USA and married her. She's 20 years old with a 15 month old daughter (of which she has physical custody) and a 5 month old son (of which she does not have). Not going into all of her problems right now...So, remember that he is 44 years old. Kind of gross, isn't it?

My children are living in the house with the newlyweds and her child. They really are unhappy and never miss a beat to tell me just how unhappy they are. But, I remind them that while it is not their fault their father decided to up and marry a girl young enough to be their sister, they got what they wanted. They wanted to live with dad, and that's what they got. My sons do not understand when I say "you got what you wanted" that it's not meant as a's simply consequences of the decision they were allowed to make.

A couple of times, my youngest has called or texted me to say that he's coming to live with me. My heart tells me that I should run and rescue him, but I did that last summer with both kids, and it went BAD! I let their father take advantage of me as the non-custodial parent. I'm done with that. So, my response to him has been, "You may not make that decision when you are upset. It has to be decided by both you and your father, and your father must handle all of the legal aspects in order for that to happen". He's not really happy with that, but he understands now.

My sons are now beginning to see how their dad has used them. It's hard for me as their mother to know what they are going through and not attempting a rescue. But, I think this is a lesson they are having to learn. Life can be difficult, even more so for kids sometimes.

My prayer is that their father will see "the light" at some point and be the father they need. And, I continue to pray that the Lord will change me...And He is.

I am not fooled into thinking that I am not where I am supposed to be at this point in my life. It is not by chance that I moved, found a new church home, etc. God has a plan for me, and I am staying faithful to Him so that I may discover this plan in His time, not mine. With God, it's all about timing, but His, not ours!

I'll keep writing...

New quote ~

I take on more and more work, but I never feel that I am overburdened, because I do everything for God!