Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Hi Again!

So, last night I visit my children at their father's home. If you've read the other stuff I've written, you know that I am going through a custody battle because my children are failing school.

The situation is crappy, and I don't wish it on ANYONE - not even their father.

The bomb went off when my oldest, he's 16, told me that he wants to fail this year. HE'S A JUNIOR IN HIGH SCHOOL!!! He said he wants to fail so he can graduate with some of his other friends a year behind him. Then he told me that he's going to be honest with the judge when we go to court (currently scheduled for April 9) and tell him that he wants to live with his dad. Now, you have to understand, this is the kid that has ALWAYS said he didn't want to choose. Me thinks me smells a RAT!!!

Then my youngest, he's 13, says the same thing.

Here's what I think is going on:

Dad moans and groans in the presence of the children that if they have to live with me, he will lose everything. He won't be able to pay his bills, etc., because he will lose his little (HUGE) monthly paycheck that we non-custodial parents are forced to call child support. That money NEVER goes to my children. My ex-mother in law and I buy their clothes, shoes, etc.

Anyway, I think they thought I would say "I'm sorry" and drop the case. WRONG! I told them that if they want to stay with dad, they have from now until court to bring up those failing grades. I also told them that I will wait to hear the judge's verdict. I want the judge to say yea or nay.

Can you tell I'm a little peeved?

So, what did I do when I got home last night? What any mother would do - CRIED! Then I prayed. I prayed for God to change me...change my heart. I want God's will to be done in my life. Also, I don't want anyone to EVER say that I didn't try.

So, what am I doing today? Baby, I'm praying, of course.

I'll blog some more soon.....

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Another Great One-Liner

Just got this little thing from one of my email buddies, and had to share it with all of you:

God closes doors no man can open & God opens doors no man can close.

That's great, isn't it? I mean, we knew that, but to see it on the page...Man!

BUMMER!!! My ramblings about court!

Have you ever had something that you just prayed and prayed over, but kept hanging on to it? Even though you'd given it to God? Well, I recently had one of those moments, and I am beginning to think that I have let it eat at me until I have a sore stomach.

On Friday, the 23rd of January, I found out that my custody hearing had been cancelled for tomorrow, 2/4/09. Of course, I wasn't guaranteed that spot, because there was someone else on the docket in front of my case. It was what's called "second-out". Second in line. If the person in front of me had settled out of court, my case would have been heard tomorrow.

I cannot express just how heart-broken I was that day. Even now, almost 2 weeks later, my heart literally aches to think about it. My new court date is April 9. My first instinct is to scream. Find a room and scream. What am I doing this for? Am I simply torturing myself to care so much that my kids fail school? Maybe they need to learn the hard way....

But in the stillness, in the quiet, I remember words from a dear friend, "God has a reason for this, and it's meant to be". Now, is it always easy to hear words such as this when my stomach hurts and I have cried 'til my tears just can't come anymore? No, but I know GOD has a plan for my life, much greater than I could ever imagine. IF I stay truthful to HIM. It's MUCH bigger than whether the kids are awarded to me, and whether they EVER learn to stand up and be men. It's so much more than that.

It's all gonna be okay. One way or the other. I miss my babies so much sometimes. Guess what? They would be upset with me if they knew I called them babies again.

I'll stop rambling for now...

Stay BLESSED! I know I am!